is your mom at the bar?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
