My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
