you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
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Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
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Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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