Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
