You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
