i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize