he wants to bone in the snuggie
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
