marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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