he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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