Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
