Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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