I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
