so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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