I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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