Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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