the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
