A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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