I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
