He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
