what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
