Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
