I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
