if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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