speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
