you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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