i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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