quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
