I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
