Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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