I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
