why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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