I cannot find my penis.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
