so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
