She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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