she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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