So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
