Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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