This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
