I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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