i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
