i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
