I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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