My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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