turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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