This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
