omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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