Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
