thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
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