In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
