im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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