I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
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I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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