Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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