hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
