Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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