Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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