so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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