I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
