If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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