I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
