So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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