It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
