I'm really into asian looking animals
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
