I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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