he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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