Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
