you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
