I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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