come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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