She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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